A New Excerpt From The Reckoning of Asphodel

This is the second excerpt from my upcoming novel The Reckoning of Asphodel, which will be released on May 3, 2016. For more information about Asphodel, check out my website, Goodreads page, or my Amazon page. 

Tamsen de Asphodel watched as her parents were killed—murdered by her sorcerer uncle. Raised by her Elven kin, Tamsen knows her destiny is to avenge them both.

 

Unfortunately, Tamsen’s destiny is complicated. She is the sole heir to her human father’s estate, but she is also the last remaining heir to the Elven throne. The Elves, especially the Scout Brial, are suspicious of her human ties and her magical power. Her magic is unique—neither human nor Elven, dangerous, and difficult to control. And when she and Brial fall in love, it is a relationship the Elves will not accept.

 

But when her uncle moves to destroy the Elves, war explodes across both kingdoms. Only Tamsen, with Brial at her side, can bring human and Elf together to fight against him. In the reckoning that is coming, she will need both sides of her conflicted nature…and the aid of a goddess.

****

Within an hour, it was impossible to see further than twenty feet. I had taken the lead, but Brial was close behind. I had pulled my cloak so far forward, however, that I didn’t see the men charging at us from the sides of the road. 

“Get down!” Brial shouted hoarsely. 

As I turned to see what was going on, someone jerked me out of the saddle. I landed on my back with the breath knocked from me. A large man hovered into my line of sight. He grinned, three blackened, broken teeth hanging precariously from his upper jaw. I lay there, trying to gasp air back into my lungs as he leered at me. 

“Gots us a purty gel here boys!” he roared, bending down and picking me up by the front of my cloak. I felt the fabric rip under his dirty fingers and a cold realization surged through me. My breath came back into my chest with a whoosh and I gulped in fresh air. 

Then my eyes narrowed. 

“I am giving you one chance to back away from me,” I said, my voice still a bit breathless. He laughed, throwing back his head, and the teeth teetered in his gums. Behind me, I heard steel on steel. Brial was fighting. The man swept me against him with one blow of his meaty arm. Try as I might, I couldn’t free myself. As I closed my eyes and reached for the magic, I felt his ugly face nuzzle into my hair. 

Two things happened next. As gorge rose in my throat at the man’s touch, an electric charge zipped out from me, blasting the ruffian back with an oath. Then a sword point thrust through the front of his beefy chest. I watched, stunned, as the outlaw slid down the cold steel edge, falling almost in slow motion to puddle at my feet. 

My mind flashed back. Blood on the snow. 

Flakes swirling in a howling wind, while the ground stained red with blood. The sickly sweet smells of cooked meat. The flash of a sword against a slender throat— 

Are you all right, Tamsen?” Brial was shaking me, his face white. 

I pulled back to the present, my gaze meeting his then sliding past him. There were two other bodies lying in the churned snow, already stained by a sluggish crimson flow. 

Brial swore. “You don’t have time to be faint now. I only drove the others away! They’ll be back, Tamsen.” He worked quickly, wiping the sword on the outlaw’s jerkin and driving it into its sheath. Turning, he whistled, and the horses trotted up. “Can you stay on?” 

“I’m fine, Brial.” I forced out the words from between numb lips. “Let’s just ride.” 

We turned our horses and fled into the teeth of the storm. It was only after we galloped away that I wondered: had I killed the man, or had Brial? I looked down at my hands in a daze. Surely, the shock I had released was only enough to stun the outlaw. 

The smell of roasted meat hung in my nostrils until several miles lay between the newly dead men and us. It took us two hours at a dismayingly slow pace to reach the next village. 

2016--The Year The Music Died

First Bowie. Then Merle Haggard. Now...Prince?

I can't believe it. 

Prince was an integral part of my growing from adolescence into womanhood--an independent musician intent upon having his own way, creating music no one else had ever thought of, and riding the charts to unbelievable popularity. 1984 was the year of Purple Rain--my senior year in high school/first year of college. Despite the earlier songs I was familiar with, Prince was an enigma to me, a punk girl trapped in the country music of the Deep South. Purple Rain was an awakening for me musically--a conceptual album that told a story, but not as high brow as Bowie or as insistent as Pink Floyd. 

And that story was the kind of thing important to a 17-year-old girl. His music spoke of emotion and sex and violence, wrapped in the imagery of a novelist and the words of a rebellious poet. He wrote songs about things that no one else dared to--Darling Nikki, anyone?

I met a girl named Nikki
I guess you can say she was a sex fiend.
Met her in a hotel lobby
Masturbating with a magazine.
She said, "How'd you like to have a good time?"
And I just couldn'r resist
When Nikki started to grind-- 
             --Prince and the Revolution, Purple Rain 1984 ™

Prince was the anti-Michael Jackson--an artist of color who didn't give a rat's ass what anyone thought about the fact that he was five foot nothing, wore high heels, and dressed like a New Romantic. He was a virtuoso musician who could play multiple instruments, and one of the best guitarists in music. His voice was unbelievably rangy--a full FOUR octaves plus four or five additional notes surrounding his natural baritone.He created an iconography around himself that even in an era where all the great musicians were doing that, his stood above the others for its sheer audacity and playfully malicious message. His sexuality was endlessly debated--and yet, no one had any doubt that if you pissed Prince off, he would kick your ass.

And then run over you with his souped-up purple motorcycle.

He was an androgynous bad ass, whose work as a producer was almost as revolutionary as his music. He brought us one of the great party anthems of all time thanks to his introduction of Morris Day and the Time to the world, and one of the greatest love songs and vocal performances ever with Sinead O'Connor's version of Nothing Compares 2 U. Hell, we wouldn't have text-speak if he hadn't done it first.

He took a stand against the big record label who'd tied up the rights to his music, and emerged as "the artist formerly known as Prince"--a stand that might have ended up killing another musician's career. Two years ago, he won the rights to that music back, effectively bringing Warner Brothers to their knees after he'd termed their contracts "slavery" two decades before. And then he triumphantly re-signed with them, having regained the rights to his entire catalog.

Prince was a legend, and became one very early on. I respected his independent spirit, his fearlessness in standing up to a corporate giant, and the poetry infused into every lyric he ever wrote. My kids grew up hearing Purple Rain and Controversy. Bowie they liked; Prince, they loved.

That summer of 1984, I was driving home from work and When Doves Cry was on the radio. I was one of those sing along in the car kind of kids. I had an orange VW Bug that I loved, and driving through Clarksville, Tennessee with the top down and Prince cranking on a hot summer's day was a pretty awesome feeling. When I got home, surprisingly, my mother was waiting for me. I instantly tried to figure out what I'd done to get into trouble, and then she told me that my best friend had been killed in a car wreck that morning.

I'd talked to Tammy on the phone the night before. We had big plans for college--after years of debating against each other for different high schools, we were at last going to be debating together on the same team. We were excited, because fall semester was only a few weeks away. I'd known Tammy since we were both toddlers. She and I lived five houses apart back then. Her death was the first tragedy to ever touch me that closely.

And ever since, When Doves Cry has inextricably been associated with her death in my mind.

That summer and fall, I played Prince's Purple Ran album over and over. When Doves Cry might have been tied to death for me, but the rest of the album was exuberantly, vibrantly, sexually full of life and the joie de vivre that Prince's iconic album exuded. It helped me cope with loss, and taught me that all the changes a teenager undergoes are an essential part of life--not wrong, but defiantly normal and oh-so-right.Living in the same state as the hypocritical Tipper Gore and her stupid parental advisory labels on music (and now video games) made his defiance of society's "acceptable" norms even more impactful--and taught me as a writer to push the boundaries myself and to seek the rarer paths in my work

An important lesson, for something that was "just" pop music.

So today, after losing David Bowie and dealing with his incredible self-designed epitaph, after losing an icon of country music in singer-songwriter Merle Haggard (not my cup of tea, but what an incredible story and human being he was)--now we must confront the horror of a world without Prince.

I am a child of the 80's. The pop culture of that decade has influenced my taste as an adult, for good or for ill. Music is what taught me to be a rebel--and that rebellion is epitomized in two artists: David
Bowie, and Prince.

I'm sure somewhere, among his things or upcoming music, Prince has composed his own epitaph. But if he hasn't, that's all right--because he wrote it thirty years ago.

How can you just leave me standing?

Alone in a world that's so cold

Maybe I'm just too demanding

Maybe I'm just like my father--too bold

Maybe I'm just like my mother

She's never satisfied

Why do we scream at each other?

This is what it sounds like when doves cry...

          --When Doves Cry, Prince and the Revolution, 1984 ™

There is no doubt about it. 2016 is the year the music died.

First Excerpt from The Reckoning of Asphodel

As promised, here's the first excerpt from my upcoming book release, The Reckoning of Asphodel, coming May 3, 2016!

We did not have long to wait. Less than a minute later, I saw the bobbing of torches through the trees. Thirty seconds after that, they thundered around the bend. The leader pulled up when he saw the flaming arrow burning merrily in front of him. Over my head, bowstrings sang as Mylan and Morrote fired two more flaming arrows to land near the first.

The leader’s horse reared and the man had all he could do to control it. I watched in cold silence while he struggled with his mount. Once the horse was calmed, I called out in a clear voice. “You have entered Asphodel without my permission, stranger. What is your name and affiliation?”

“Who in the hell are you?”

“I am Tamsen, Countess of Asphodel,” I retorted. “You did not answer my question, commander! The light is in your eyes, not mine, and I can see your uniforms and insignia.”

“Lord Spesialle ordered me to prepare this castle for occupation.”

“Spesialle has no claim to Asphodel. His claim is forfeit, as is due a regicide and traitor.”

A low murmur broke out among the troops, but the commander ignored it. “How do I know that what you say is true?”

“You don’t,” I said pleasantly. “However, I should inform you that I have a company of Elven archers behind my walls that are itching to use you for target practice.”

“I don’t believe the lies of any squatting peasant wench,” the commander growled. “My orders are to take this—”

Before I knew what was happening, the man screamed. Brial had notched and fired an arrow that pierced the man’s leg in the half-inch gap between the bottom of his mail shirt and the top of his high, thick leather boot. “If you speak one more word about my lady the next arrow will be through your throat!” he called in a clear, cold voice. “Any man that moves in this direction will die. Make your decision quickly. We want to have enough time to burn your corpses and get a good night’s sleep.”

“Good shot,” Glaucon noted with dispassionate approval.

“Easy shot,” Brial shrugged even as his voice grew tighter. “Even after Tamsen warned them, they kept their torches burning.”

The commander grimaced in agony as he removed the arrow from his leg. He examined the distinctive Elven fletching, and then said something low to the men at his back.

As he began to turn his horse’s head, I called out, “Take this message back to your master, dog: Asphodel is once again held by the heir of the house, and will remain so. On the day he enters my lands, I will kill him with my own hand. There is no succor in Asphodel for the man who killed our King.”

He glared at me silently, his face twisted with hatred. Then, his troop turned their horses and sped into the night.

“You should return to the castle, milady,” Anner suggested. I could just see his gray eyes glint in the moonlight. “They may try to double back. Glaucon and I will keep watch.”

Before I could respond, Brial gripped my arm and steered me back into the castle. Grimly, he marched me up the steps and into my room. Once there, he tossed his bow in a corner and glared at me.

“What?” I asked, confused.

“Why did you do that?” he grated. “What plausible excuse for such idiocy can you possibly have?”

“I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about.”

“The only reason this castle could be safe for you is if your uncle doesn’t know for certain that you are here!” Brial shouted. “Now he not only knows where you are, but you make matters worse by sending him a message that a man like him cannot ignore.”

“It doesn’t matter if he knows for certain or not.” I retorted, my own temper rising. “He’ll come here regardless, Brial. He needs Asphodel to act against the Elves.”

“You don’t know that.” Brial enunciated carefully, evidently trying to rein in his temper. “You are only guessing.”

“I know it. I don’t know how I know, but I do. Spesialle will be here within three months, Brial, and he will not come alone. He will bring his army.”

Brial opened his mouth and then shut it abruptly. We glowered at each other for a minute and then the breath left him in a loud exhalation. “If you ever do anything like that again, I swear to the gods I will throw you into the first room with a stout door and lock you in,” he said in a slow and carefully controlled voice. “Don’t fight me on this, Tamsen. If you will not behave in such a way as to protect yourself, I will not allow you to endanger yourself further. If I must, I will force you to listen to me.”

“You wouldn’t dare!”

“Try me.”

“Well then you’d better hope that the door consists of something other than wood,” I retorted spitefully. “If it isn’t, I’ll burn my way out.”

“I meant what I said, Tamsen.”

He kissed me, his fingers digging painfully into my arms. When he pulled back, he looked at my shocked face and laughed, not humorously, but with an ugly, ragged laughter. “I told you not to let yourself get involved with me, I told you it would interfere with my ability to protect you! You don’t listen to anyone, Tamsen, and your pride will be your undoing! You are not omnipotent, my lady.”

His tone was so furious I actually winced.

“If you will not attempt to protect yourself, then I will do it for you, You will not like my methods, but you won’t have any choice. I will not stand by and watch you get yourself killed, and by the gods, you will obey me!” He punctuated each word with a shake. “I love you, Tamsen, but at this moment I could break your neck.”

He kissed me again, and then pushed me away. “By the way, don’t go on thinking that you are the only one here who has magic,” he purred. “The Ka’breona element is metal; I can build a door that all your magic will not break.”

"I wouldn't count on that!"

He turned to leave and spotted Morrote standing grimly in the door, his nostrils flaring. For one long, tense second the two Elves stared each other down, then Brial said evenly, “Get out of my way, Ka’antira. I will take your watch tonight and you can remain here to guard her.”

“From whom?” Morrote growled.

“From me, Elflord!” Brial snarled at him. “Most particularly, from me!”

Without a look back, Brial stalked by the stunned Elf and disappeared into the blackness of the outer corridor. I exhaled slowly and sank into one of the chairs by the fire.

Morrote looked after the vanished Brial with an odd expression on his face. Then he snorted a short bark of laughter and stepped into the room.

“I’d really rather be alone, uncle,” I said sadly.

“I don’t think that’ll ever be an option for you, Tamsen,” the Elf said with a twinkle in his eye. “You two were meant for each other.”

Let's Get Ready for the Asphodel Cycle!

So I've jumped back into the world of Asphodel with both feet. Time to get this show on the road.

As my longtime readers--all five of you--may remember, from 2007-2009, my first fantasy series The Asphodel Cycle was published. The books did fairly well--top ten on multiple online retailers, great reviews, some fairly awesome awards and nominations, and lots of hate mail when I killed off an extremely important character that was, apparently, loved more than I realized. 

And then, of course, the publisher went defunct a few years later while I went on to bigger and better things. 

But the Asphodel world wouldn't shut up. I really like playing in the fantasy-mythology mash up sandbox. It combines all my favorite things. And while I went on and started delving into more literary fantasy, every once in a while I'd sneak into a secret file and write some Asphodel for fun. Then, last fall, the story suddenly took off on me--so that now I have an entire SECOND series set in the  Asphodel world, bringing the adventures of Tamsen and Brial to eight books total. 

And then I was stuck.

The first rights to the original series were gone, so that automatically killed off the chances of selling the second series with the same characters. And for the first time, I considered self-publishing. After all, I ran a publishing company. And that's when it came to me.

I decided I would reissue the first series in four consecutive months--and the second series in the four subsequent months. That means I will be releasing each book in the series a month apart. (A publishing plan I'd dearly love for George RR Martin to subscribe to by the way, and NO-- John Snow will NOT remain dead. Duh.)

Here's what you need to know to prepare yourself!

So--release schedule.

THE ASPHODEL CYCLE-- reissues

The Reckoning of Asphodel--May 3, 2016

The Redemption of Asphodel -- June 6, 2016

The Temptation of Asphodel -- July 5, 2016

The Apostle of Asphodel -- August 2--2016

The world of Asphodel lives again in the never-before published sequel series The Black Dream coming this fall!

Servant of Dis -- September 1, 2016

Prisoner of Death--October 1, 2016

Sorcerers of Hell --November 1, 2016

Gods of Rebellion --December 1, 2016

Cover art by KMD Designs

Blurb:

Tamsen de Asphodel watched as her parents were killed—murdered by her sorcerer uncle. Raised by her Elven kin, Tamsen knows her destiny is to avenge them both. Unfortunately, Tamsen’s destiny is complicated. She is the sole heir to her human father’s estate, but she is also the last remaining heir to the Elven throne. The Elves, especially the Scout Brial, are suspicious of her human ties and her magical power. Her magic is unique—neither human nor Elven, dangerous, and difficult to control. And when she and Brial fall in love, it is a relationship the Elves will not accept. But when her uncle moves to destroy the Elves, war explodes across both kingdoms. Only Tamsen, with Brial at her side, can bring human and Elf together to fight against him. In the reckoning that is coming, she will need both sides of her conflicted nature…and the aid of a goddess.    

Important sites/accounts

Writing website The Cache Vault

Amazon author's page

Facebook author's page

Facebook personal page

Twitter page

Pinterest Historical Research/Writing page

Tomorrow--excerpt from Reckoning. Later this week--cover art for Redemption of Asphodel. Also later this week--a basic series blurb for The Black Dream--another wild ride through classical mythology and traditional fantasy, where the stakes are greater, the cost is higher, and the death toll rising. 

Also, I will be creating an online lexicon for the world that will cross over between here and my website--the mythology, the language (yes, it's Latin-ish), the history, the families--all that good stuff. 

Did I mention my new website? The Cache Vault is now up and running--and will be getting bigger like pretty much anything I write. You might note some interesting news while there about my pseudonym. 

So find me on social media--friend me (I take a lot of Twitter and Facebook breaks) and get ready. Oh and the last thing--

Have a great week!

Let's Have a Chat about Asshats Shall We?

Okay. Let's be frank. We all know people who in the privacy of our minds (or out loud) are serious jerks. Our world is populated with these types of idiots--whether it's the sour-faced cretins who are abusing the cashier at the grocery store or the bigoted morons we encounter on Twitter. For convenience's sake (and because I like the word) let's just lump them all together under one linguistic aegis and call them asshats.

And before anyone complains, 'ass' can be found in the Bible and 'hat' is a lot nicer than 'hole'. Basically I'm calling these asshats haberdashery for a donkey, so slow your roll. 

When I tended bar, I dealt with asshats every night. Some were willfully rude; others didn't seem to have the slightest clue they'd been nominated for the asshat club. Every shift I worked, asshat relations were a huge part of my job. For people who exist upon the income they receive from tips, being able to handle the asshat had serious repercussions. Now, an asshat who was a moderate drinker I could usually deal with. The real problem came when the asshat in question drank a lot. Once an asshat gets a buzz, his proportionate asshattery grew accordingly. 

And since the biggest asshats at my job were related to the owner of the bar, my ability to relate to them was essential. 

For a while, I had to play along with the asshat games. But once they reached a certain point, I had to put my foot down. Coming behind my bar? That was a no-no. Driving while trashed? Equally a no-no, as I proved several times taking asshats home, calling them a cab, or calling my boss when his relatives were the asshats in question. For the most part, my asshat relations were fairly successful. Of course, the asshat has the final word. Annoy the asshat too much and he wouldn't tip. 

But if someone was being a hardcore asshat, I didn't really care. And if the asshat refused to play along with my 'this is my bar shift, and you will not screw it up' mentality, there was always another option. Nothing is more gratifying than throwing an asshat out of a bar. Nothing. Once I pulled a straight up Dukes of Hazard slide over the bar to break up a fight between eight guys. Finally got them all in the parking lot and a regular called the cops for me. Got hit full in the face,but since I was wading into the fight to pull someone out by their ankles it was my own fault. 

What I hadn't counted on was the asshat-in-chief getting into his car and trying to run me over. 

But then again, I have a high percentage photographic memory, and his license plate was fairly easy to remember. The cops picked him up three blocks away, thus gratifying the 'send the asshat to jail' mental fantasy I had silently daydreamed about for hours. 

Unfortunately, the natural habitat of the asshat has evolved in recent years. Instead of wandering the wilds of the outdoors, now the asshat has taken to living in his mother's basement or a rented double-wide, where he stalks his prey online. He's lurking right now on your Twitter feed, waiting to pounce on the unwary. 

I am rarely unwary, and having a good vocabulary, a fast WPM typing speed, and the ability to think on my feet has brought me into conflict with this most elusive breed of asshat. Unfortunately, the internet doesn't require an IQ test before someone is allowed to participate in social media. Or a spelling/grammar test either, which I find reprehensible. And while you can prune your contact list to people with merit, you cannot prune your contacts' lists. And that's how the heavily-disguised asshat slips into your feed. Someone says something objectionable, and you end up getting into a flame war on Twitter with some asshat whose political memes are desecrating your feed. 

Allow me to warn you--the asshat is incapable of learning when they've been beaten, and will flame on long after he'd actually run out of gas. Then all of a sudden, when it's obvious that you have won, the asshat resorts to name-calling of the worst order. I can't even tell you all the creatively spelled curse words that have been directed at me online. It's like they know that because I am a writer/editor, every ghastly misspelled degrading term impacts me just that much worse. Strangely enough though, the asshats who don't know the different between 'your' and 'you're' always manage to spell 'bitch' correctly. 

It baffles me.

There's a particular asshat on my radar right now who is a caller on the Paul Finebaum show. He is only capable of carrying on flame wars when they're one-sided--because the cowardly asshat blocks anyone who disagrees with him. So he spews forth these monologues denigrating good people that I personally like, and is fundamentally incapable of tolerating anyone who disagrees with him. As I am allergic to homophobic misogynistic bigoted racist pigs, I've been blocked for a long time. But that doesn't stop him from trashing me all over the internet. This asshat's life is so empty that all he can manage to do is spew forth poison online about someone who can't even see it firsthand--and call a sports talk show to plug Donald Trump. And his  wholly imaginary past. 

Which brings me to the ultimate point about asshats. Regardless of whether you encounter them in public or online, the asshat is fundamentally a very sad,lonely person. Their sole empowerment is acting like an asshat. Sitting down at that keyboard is the high point of their day. Because they have nothing positive to offer themselves,all they can offer is negativity to the world in general. So in the end, stepping on an asshat is kind of akin to stepping on a cockroach.

Kind of gross but wholly satisfying. 

Turning Into a Self-Published Author--Part 1

Okay--I'll admit it. I've been spoiled. Throughout my career, I've always had a publisher who dealt with the cover art, the layout, the formatting, the uploading, some publicity. But now that I'm reissuing my first fantasy series The Asphodel Cycle, I have been forced to turn into a self-publishing author. 

And yes--I have a leg up because I've been a publisher--as in I published other authors' books. My experience first at AMP and then at Musa gives me a unique perspective on everything a self-published author has to do. 

The difficult part for me has been separating the authorial responsibilities from the publishing ones. 

Here's the deal: if your work is picked up by a small publisher or a big one, they are the ones spending money for all the things you need. And I know how expensive those things are because we were the ones paying people to design the cover or format the ebooks. As a self-publisher, you want your books to compete favorably with publisher-released titles. That means that you--and I--have to spend money to make that happen. And nothing is more important than cover art. 

Do yourself a favor. Unless you have a lengthy background as a book designer, don't try to make your own cover using Paint and Photoshop. Just...don't. Go to a reputable cover artist and just fork out the money you can afford to get a professionally designed cover. If you don't, you're just throwing your book away down a big black hole. Your cover art is the most important promotional tool your book has. It's the first thing a prospective customer sees, and is the deciding factor as to whether they click through to your blurb and sales page. Do not skimp on the cover design!  There are artists out there who will design a good cover for under $150-200. Go to self-published authors you know and find out who did their cover.  

Ditto and double that for interior layout, design, and formatting. If you want to spend a frustrating 48 hours trying to detangle the formatting directions each separate e-reader requires, knock yourself out--and consider yourself lucky if it ONLY takes 48 hours. Or, open up your wallet and go to a reputable design firm--I use KMD Designs, which is run by my former Musa partner Kelly Shorten. Not only are her designs incredibly solid, but mistake-free. And her prices are very, very reasonable--far less than I had originally anticipated. Check out their website, prices, and portfolio here.  Or find someone else that you are comfortable with who possesses the knowledge you do not. It's well-spent.

But all this notwithstanding, the biggest obstacle for many of us I think is on the promotional end. My first release, The Reckoning of Asphodel, comes out in a little over a month. So I am going to have to take the 12-15 hours a day I've been spending writing and use at least half promoting my books. And when the sequel series comes out this fall, I will probably have to spend more.  

The main thing you HAVE to do in order to promote your self-published books is to create an online presence. Yeah, I know--everyone tells you that. But it's essential--Twitter, Facebook, Pinterest, Instagram, blogging, participating in online activities, Goodreads, Amazon author page--all these things are cogs in the wheels that sell your book. I DO NOT MEAN to hop on Twitter 4-5 times a day and post a plug for your book. I'm an author, and I mute other writers who do that on my feed. So don't be an obnoxious 'buy my book' whore. Create daily content--like, say for example, a blog--and use your social media presence to promote THAT. That sends people to your blog, where all your book information should be prominently displayed. 

These preliminary steps should be fairly automatic for any writer about to launch onto the ocean of horror known as self-publishing. But if you do it right, if you invest in your books and create that online presence, you can at least get people to LOOK at your book. And if they don't look at it, they aren't going to buy it. So get busy! Get all those bits going before your book even hits the market. And then check back as I dig deeper into the process in a future post. 

The Crazy World of Chronic Pain Patients

So, I am a chronic pain patient. Thanks to an automobile accident in May of 2002, I now have a broken artificial disc in my spine that is prevented from severing my aorta by a spinal fusion. The rest of my spine is crumbling now as a result of the stress and the previous surgeries. Obviously, this is a painful and constantly deteriorating condition, and one that I deal with on a daily basis. As a result, I am a patient at a pain clinic here in Ohio. 

I absolutely love my pain management doctor. He is sympathetic and very good at what he does. But thanks to the growing restrictive laws regarding the treatment of chronic pain patients, his ability to help me is being hampered by the government we both pay taxes to. Right now, I'm going through something that many chronic pain patients have to endure, and I want to talk about it freely and honestly. Because for those of us in REAL pain, the laws have started to impede our ability to get the help we need. 

To start off with, the list of medications I have been on just to keep my pain at a tolerable level is fairly extensive. I have been on methadone, which is a slow-release pain relieving narcotic for over 8 years. Add to that dilaudid, oxycodone, neurontin, meloxicam, amitriptyline, mirtazapine--and you get an idea of what I'm talking about. Now you guys need to understand something here--all of these medications can only get my pain level down to a 6 out of 10 on a very good day. There are many days when I cannot sit up, or walk across the house. And in order to get those medications, I had to sign a pain contract with my doctor--a contract that outlines what will happen if my pill count is off or my blood/urine random drug screens are off. 

What happens is that I get discharged from the practice. 

So, flash back to December. I had been discussing with my doctor my desire to get off the methadone entirely. Methadone is insidious. You don't FEEL drugged when you're on it--which, as a writer, I liked. Methadone was the first slow-release medication that had actually helped me. BUT, last spring I accidentally knocked my last week of meds into the toilet, and then I found out exactly how addictive that medication is. Methadone withdrawal is NOT fun. It's agonizing. So at my next visit, I told my doctor I wanted to wean off of it. 

He wanted to do a pair of final procedures first to see if they helped. They didn't. And so, at my December appointment, he agreed to wean me off it. 

Enter the complication. 

Before that visit, I'd been deathly ill with a sinus infection that kept me from keeping anything down. In order to make sure that I kept down the methadone, I stopped taking my other medications. You know--having gone through a week of withdrawal just six months before, I didn't want to go through that again. At my doctor's appointment, I told the nurse I'd been sick--but neglected to tell my doctor. And a few weeks later, a couple of days before I needed to call for refills on my support meds, I got a letter from my doctor informing me that my urine screen was off and therefore they would not prescribe me any controlled substances anymore. 

This was pretty devastating. I was weaning off the methadone, but it wasn't going well. And now, I couldn't get any of my support meds? 

Oh God. 

You see--when a doctor cuts off  a patient or tells them he's going to take them off their pain meds, a lot of the patients go absolutely nuts. My doctor has a form everyone has to sign now, stating they aren't going to assault the staff! No lie--just this week a big burly guy went after one of the nurses and then my doctor he was so enraged. Stupid. 

Because of this, I knew better than to call up and yell at the staff. It would have accomplished nothing. So I discussed it with my husband and decided to just tough it out until my next appointment. And then I spent the worst couple of months in my life. January and February are pretty much a blur. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, stopped pretty much everything. I spent hours just thrashing around on the bed or the couch, desperately trying to condition my body to get accustomed to the lower dosage of methadone. I made it halfway--cut my intake to half of what it had been, but couldn't get any further. I could not make the jump to 1/3 of a dose. 

I ended up in the hospital last week, severely dehydrated and having lost over 50 pounds since my last doctor's visit--and got a pain shot that let me sleep for a whole four hours before the withdrawal started again. But, I persevered. The ER doctor called my doctor, and they prescribed me medication to help with the withdrawal symptoms. And so, when I went to my appointment this week, my doctor and I were able to have a good, constructive conversation about my treatment--and when he discovered that I'd been sick and that was the reason my screens were off, he relented and readmitted me to his practice.

He also told me I was one of the few he would do that for. Why? Because in the last four years, my screens have never been off. Neither have my pill counts. I have always followed my contract to the letter and he knows that. But I think, also, he was impressed. I had literally none of my support meds--medications for sciatica,  neurological pain, arthritis--the daily medications that help people like me without being narcotics. I was going through severe withdrawal. And I made it all the way to the last week before my appointment before he got a call. I never called his office and cussed out some poor girl who answered the phone. And at my appointment, I was my usual self--and we talked as we always do: with mutual respect and honesty. 

He explained to me that both the state medical board and the DEA were analyzing his records. Just a couple of weeks before, the DEA had been in his office regarding one of his patients. After I left his office, I started to think about that. 

THE DEA AND THE STATE/FEDERAL GOVERNMENT ARE MONITORING OUR MEDICAL RECORDS FOR THE PURPOSE OF HARASSING PAIN MANAGEMENT DOCTORS. 

What the hell is the DEA doing looking at my medical records? That's outrageous! Our medical records are supposed to be PRIVATE, right? According to the HIPAA no one can access my records without my permission. But, once I started digging, I discovered some pretty horrific exceptions. For example, take a look at this: http://www.thehealthlawfirm.com/areas-of-practice/pain-management-and-dea-defense.html

Pharmaceutical manufacturers and distributers keep track o f the narcotics they sell and to whom they are sold. This is particularly true of narcotics and other medications that are routinely over-prescribed and abused, such as oxycodone, hydrocodone, Roxycodone, Percocet, Xanax, and other such medications. They will usually report a pharmacy or physician that orders a larger amount of any of these drugs that usual. Drug chains and manufacturers also track the numbers of various drugs that are prescribed by various physicians. They will usually report a pharmacy, clinic or physician that orders a larger amount of any of these drugs than is usual for their customers.

If an "inspection" or search and seizure is performed on a physician's office, a pain management clinic or a pharmacy, it will usually be after an investigation has already been conducted by both state licensing authorities and the U.S. Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA). An investigation will usually be opened based on one or more complaints that have been received from patients, next of kin of patients, pharmaceutical manufacturers and distributors (who report large quantities sold), competitors, local surrounding businesses, or local law enforcement authorities.

Physicians, pharmacists and staff members may be arrested during such a visit. There will usually be emergency suspension orders (ESOs) that will be served by the DEA to suspend DEA registrations and numbers of pharmacists, physicians and clinics. Emergency cease and desist orders (CDs or CDOs) may be served by state licensing bodies (such as the Department of Health or the Attorney General's Office). Orders to show cause (OCs) why a DEA registration should not be revoked may be served. An emergency suspension order (ESO) to suspend a state license may be served if the investigations or proceedings have already progressed to that point; however, usually this will come later. Arrest warrants may be executed and people arrested. This will almost always have been planned and decided ahead of time.

Uhhh...so that's the back door the DEA uses to get to patient pain records. Based off the report of a disgruntled patient or a manufacturer who tracks where each batch of pain meds are sold, the DEA and state licensing authorities can launch an investigation and get into the patient records either through the pharmacy OR the physician's records. From the same site:

In almost every one of these cases, either the DEA, the Department of Health or the local law enforcement authority used undercover agents posing as patients to make appointments with the physician, agents usually wore a wire device, and gave the physician false information.

Yeah. In other words, entrapment.

See here's the thing. I am very well aware that there are both patients and doctors out there who are trying to skirt the law. Portsmouth Ohio, not so far from here, is an infamous location for "pill mills" and that's very well known. But the majority of chronic pain patients are like me: their bodies devastated by injury or genetics, in constant, unrelenting pain, who require the strict regimen of a good doctor to just function on some level every day. And we are the ones who are suffering from the illegal activities of the few.

My pain management doctor is a wonderful guy. I trust him to do the best he can for my care. And because I wanted to get off the most dangerous medication in my regimen, he trusts that I'm not a 'doctor shopper' or addict looking for a fix. That's why our relationship works. But with the DEA and the state breathing down his neck all the time, his hands are slowly becoming tied in how he treats his patients. Think about it: he makes one mistake, one misjudged character, one manic depressive who tried to commit suicide, and not only he but his ENTIRE STAFF gets arrested and charged as criminals. CRIMINALS.

Maybe our country would be better served if the DEA went after the REAL problem here. I am not the problem. My doctor is not the problem. The real problem is the DEA's inability to have any effect upon the REAL drug trade, and so they are focusing on the minutiae of chronic pain management. Because when a GOOD pain doctor is arrested, then HUNDREDS of chronic pain patients like myself are doomed to the agony of suffering without relief for their pain until they can find a new doctor who is willing to take them on.

I've been through that. My last pain management doctor was arrested because he was over-prescribing...to himself. I got the phone call three days before my appointment that he had lost his license, and they gave me no help in finding a new one. Thankfully my family doctor took over until I was able to get in with the doctor I have now. It's a very agonizing kind of panic, when you're looking into the bottle you need to survive and knowing you have three days to find someone willing to help you out. It's the kind of thing that makes a wholly normal person act like a drug addict--not for the fix, but in terror of what will happen to their body once that last dose is processed. And for those of us on methadone? That cold turkey withdrawal lands us in the hospital.

So there's the story of my last couple of months. It's not a pleasant story, but there are lessons to be learned through it.

And damn...my butt looks good. Wouldn't recommend the weight loss program to anyone, though.