Showing posts from June 22, 2007

The World's Most Obnoxious Wake--or Rock Lobsters to Night Music, a Dissertation on the Weirdness of Death

One of the benefits (okay, the only one) to tending bar for fun and profit is drunk people who think they're clever. I had a girl (use the term loosely) come into the bar last night and try to impress me with her intelligence.

Yeah, like that worked.

At any rate, she told us a story about how her dad had played a Nazareth song at his own wake. After I pointed out that this was probably impossible (since guitars rarely fit into coffins) I was overwhelmed with the desire to create the plans for the world's most obnoxious wake--mine.


So here we go. Consider these the orders for my final disposition (yes, I entertained scores of semi-functional alcoholics for hours with this, which included 'research' on the jukebox and the invention of a new shot called Celina's Wake) and remember accordingly. And DON'T get peeved about this post--this is entirely smartass and not meant to be taken seriously. I can't believe I have to put in a disclaimer for this…