Thursday, August 17, 2006

Midnight and Mysticism

There are specific days I will remember all my life. The days that my daughters were born. The day I got my first lead role in a union show. The day that my first script was produced. The day I got married. The day I quit being married. The day my mother died.

And today.

Today will rank as one of those days. Today, my first story is released. Oh, there will be other days like today (at least three that I know of) but today is the first. Today I get to call myself a *published* author for the first time. Wow.

Oh, sure, I've had short stories and poems published before. For free. Starting today *grin* I get paid.


Granted, the increase to my checking account will be minimal. The increase to my self-esteem has the potential to be substantial. The purported risks to the same are even higher. Scary. Is that any reason for me to still be awake at 1:33 am EST?


What happens if they hate it? What happens if the reviews SUCK? What happens if I read it and find a typo? *GASP!* Oh, horrors! What shall I do?

Get drunk. Duh.

As I sit here in my study looking out the window, the dimly reflected light of the stars illuminates a southern Ohio night. The trees are silhouettes of ebony against a sky of black and the constellations dance slowly overhead. I fix this picture in my mind and know that I will remember it for the rest of my life. The silence....the warm sultriness....the faintest smell of the sunflowers that line up against my fence like sentinels in a cemetery...and I realize that this is the last time I can sit here in my own private world where my words affect only me and the poor unfortunates that are trapped in the Dragon's Den with me. At some point today, those words will reach someone else, someone I don't know, someone who knows nothing more about me than the words I place for them on the page and the characters I bore for them to love or hate. Wow. That's almost humbling.

Then again, this is me. Screw humility. HURRAY! All of you naysayers out there who've scoffed at me with your condescension and your snarky comments and your snide nitpicking---go to HELL! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I won! Pfffffffttttt to every slush pile I ever occupied.